So, what can be done if you think mommy issues are causing problems in your life? According to Beurkens, awareness is the first step, which takes a degree of mindfulness.
For some, it meant literal survival, but for every child, there is an element of adaptation to fit." Based on how secure our attachment is to our earliest caregivers, she says, we decide how safe the world is, what the world expects from us, and what we can expect from the world. As Lyons explains, "we adapted behaviors as children in order to survive in our individual situations. It all comes down to how (or whether) your needs were met as a child and how those experiences influence you in adulthood. "But," Beurkens notes, "the more modern, research-based theory that applies to is attachment theory, attachment styles, and looking at how the patterns of interactions and relationships between children and their parent figures impact their development." According to Beurkens and Lyons, this is where the concept of both mommy and daddy issues was first considered. If you remember the story of Oedipus, perhaps you've heard the term "Oedipus complex," which is a theory in psychology introduced by Sigmund Freud that suggests children are attracted to their parent of the opposite sex. "There is an important truth and possibility that opens up for us when we look into our past and examine everything, from trauma to subtle, seemingly innocuous emotional injuries we experienced in our childhoods," she explains. She adds that these kinds of attachment issues are particularly pertinent with regard to people's social-emotional development and how that plays out in their life and relationships.Īccording to psychology expert and doctor of education Gertrude Lyons M.A., Ed.D., we've all been affected by the wiring of our formative years and the caregiving we received-in both empowering and limiting ways. "Really what we're talking about there is how people's issues from their childhood-in terms of their attachment with their parents, in this case particularly with their mother-has impacted their development as a whole," clinical psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., tells mbg. Mommy issues can mean a lot of different things, but it typically refers to personal issues stemming from the relationship you had with your mother as you were growing up.
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